CLIQUES

MISCONCEPTIONS

• Cliques are gender specific.
False!

• Being in a clique is fun.
It’s not always fun being in a clique— usually it’s the opposite!

• I’ll finally have real friends by joining this clique.
Actually, people in cliques are playing follow the leader, rather than developing real relationships.

• Cliques make lifelong friends.
Most cliques last a short time period.

SUGGESTIONS FOR PARENTS

"Clusters...address the need to belong. The
most significant driving force for clustering
today is the need to find a safe place."

Know how to talk with your teen about their friends. Ask specific non-threatening questions such as "Tell me what you like about Sarah." Make communication a priority. Make time to focus and connect away from distractions. Good communication takes time and is an ongoing process. When communicating specifically about cliques you can also help your teen discover his/herself. Ask: "What do they want in a true friend? How do they perceive themselves? What are their core values and do they follow them? How does Sarah act towards you? How does that make you feel?"

It helps to stay involved in activities that they enjoy, feel good about and add value to their lives. Tips (for teens) to surviving cliques: Know yourself and your reputation; stay involved in activities that make you feel good about yourself; keep your social circles open and diverse; speak out and stand up for your beliefs; have a mind of your own—and listen to it!

Create your own clique in your family by creating your own memories—loving nick names for each other, maybe hand signals or hand shakes. Create a family team motto; such as "the Rogers do the Right Thing." Set up group activities; these can be evenings out as a family, playing games, or even cleaning the house together. In fact, chores are a great way to provide a sense of belonging and create self esteem in your teen.

A healthy family connection where your teen feels important, special and connected helps give them the strength to deal with cliques.

For more information:

Queen Bees and Wannabes
by Rosalind Wiseman

Hurt: Inside the World of Today's Teenagers
by Chap Clark